— Maya Angelou (via winterinter)
1. Being raped
2. My sister being raped
3. Being taken
5. Marriage - because I would have to have sex
I remember the day that my dad told me about sex. We went for a ride along the winding Pennsylvania roads and he explained the mechanics of it all. My immediate reaction was terror. The exercise seemed violent in and of itself - let alone if someone were to ever force themselves on me. Pardon me as I get a bit graphic, but I remember one thing that my dad said and it has always stayed with me as the most beautiful moment in the act of sex (keep in mind sex was only ever described to me as hetero and cis). My dad told me that when the woman spreads her legs, it is a sign of trust and invitation, that it wasn’t something that she ever has to do, and she shouldn’t if she doesn’t want to, but that the beauty of sex is that it involves so much trust and oneness.
I didn’t understand that as a child. The notion of sex was the most scary thing I could think of. I now know that I was lucky. I grew up with a dad who cared for me and would never hurt me. I grew up with parents who didn’t allow me to sleep over at friends’ houses until I was old enough to fight back if anyone would ever try to hurt me.
My heart breaks when I think of all of the people in the world suffering at the hands of sexual offenders. It is the most intimate way to betray a person. I think it is one of the reasons that I have had such a hard time with the recent shooting and subsequent #yesallwomen campaign. I can barely read through two tweets without breaking down.
I don’t know what the point of this is. Other than to be cathartic. I don’t even know if I have a right, but I feel as though I am grieving.